31 May 2009
When eating no taste, no mood, no energy, didn’t cry like before that flood the bin with tissues.
But I still love him very much. No one can ever replace him in my heart.
Anyone tell me what this means?
30 May 2009
I burn my hand with hot water! It hurts.
Modem is in my room and so many internet wires are connect in my room plus and my computer wires, accidently trip over the wires. Didn’t get hurt.
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5/28/09
went PA hospital today for blood test result and xray. xray result that maybe I got Tuberculosis (TB) in singapore. blood test is test to make it more sure that I got TB, but blood test was lost during the process in the lab. Doctor said if I really got TB I have to eat antibiotec everyday to remove. I hate medication! Had to have another go of blood test. I request for a experience nurse to have my blood test because previous I had a AIN blood test for me and she can't find it. poke 2 holes. in and out with the needle.really PAIN...
xiao biao ge also in PA hospital for surgery, after blood test went to see him, he going for another surgey yesterday. soon his gf and uncle and aunty came.soon er biao ge same too. he said Adeline not at home? door never lock! they start saying that I always close the door and assume I am at home so never lock the door and feed the dogs.
read dear blog, and remeber this this year Eryi and Uncle keep telling me, my mum told Eryi that I get top in secondary, therefore they decide to bring me here and suggest me to study Diploma of Nursing course. The fact is I didn't get top, I get top in english in secondary 2, worst is not Express english. Eryi means that, is mum told her that like I am so smart den bring me here study. Uncle said he won't bring any cousins here to care or whatever anymore, coz it like giving them more pressure and troublesome. It means that they regret want me to come here study.
Yesterday uncle and Eryi son had surgery. while waiting eryi told me ' go back singapore now earn some money maybe able to earn the air ticket to vist singapore and come back au' and ' find singapore have any job won't like nursing course so difficult for me'. from what I understand is she want me to go back Singapore. Don't want me continue study here. waste time,waste money and effort.
what I am think first is go back singapore, good coz can see dear, but I don't have the cert dear won't want me.
biao ge start to tell me that try go back singapore ask if I am able to go ITE nursing course or whatever course. beg them and ask if able to take entry test to enter the course.
IF all these can, you all won't ask me come here le right.
want me come here study can say lots of nice words. want me go back said lots of resons.
when I don't want to give up, want you want me to give up. shouldn't be encourage?
they still say go back do carpet cleaning, can also make big business. said my mum look down on people who wash toilet, do servies de. uncle said if I heard this I will said butcher also low class, beg people to buy meat.
I don't understand want me leave can say super many resons.
read dear blog, recall my mum called dear in 2007 told him some very important things that I don't know. is my school fees is eryi paid de. until now they still say school fees is my mum paid de. now I don't care so much, I just hope this coming semester able to pass.
Is it fail this semester I got blame like for everything?
dear birthday coming sent him birthday card, actually want buy I love you ballon but but have machine to blow de thot can blow ourself. in the end never buy. bought a birthday card, don't know if dear will think it cute not. haha... didn't buy any present for dear coz plan to buy jacket, he had jacket already, bag? just bought couple bag, sad but I didn't bring my couple bag here. so stupid sia me. haiz. so never buy any present for dear.
I failed this semester so many things happen.
uncle said yesterday, If this coming semester I can't pass. I have to go back singapore le. means they don't want me stay here any longer.
they find many reason for me go back singapore.
dear very disappointed with me, will he continue for me? I don't know.
now my thinking is dear don't want me le.
before I take my exam, still can feel dear care and love me.
someone still care and love me
must do house work
NOW no one love and care me, don't even bother me. all stress. whatever given is pressure.
I knew I failed this semester many things will happen. but I really tried my best.
everything is too late to regret, gone, really gone = too late to regret that I choose to come back au study and lose someone I love very much.
Will anyone know how I feel??????
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5/26/09
dear called last night. told him I failed this semester. his mood change, change like sian sian, won't entertain me.
I know I failed this semester, will have to mid of next year hopefully can graudate. dear ask if I got confident then continue. dear said you have no foundation how to study science? yea right.
Now don't know will dear wait for me, love me and care me? I know dear very disappt with me now. but I really try my best to study this semester le, but too much for me to study.
if I go back without a certifcate, dear won't want me either.
I have made everyone around me dissapoint. even dear. no one will care and love me le. No one.
I don't know why I study really hard, but my brain can't adsorb.
I choose to come australia , so everything have to solve alone myself.
dear said: the 2nd time I went to australia, dear already give up me.
if i go back singapore without dipolma of nursing cert, dear sure won't want me. if I study till next year, if can get the cert, dear maybe will want me.
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5/11/09
Almost every Saturday is the day I call back Singapore to chat with dear. Last night was the last called before my card credit finish. Very happy chat with dear, when I call him I can tell him all my xinshi. But last night, it wasn’t very happy, dear said can’t every week call de coz this semester will be very busy with poly stuffs. Yesterday chatting with dear, can hear that he really no time/mood entertain me, make me happy. I understand so hai hao. But sad, dear keep asking me still got how long the card finish, no credit? I say maybe 1-2 hrs ba. Sound like dear dun wan chat with me, becoz he really very busy, need to study.
I dunno how to say how sad am I now. I try to study and study to dun wan to cry.
Sent dear mummy mother day card, before I sent I think hard if I should sent dear mummy card? Finally sent le, sent express post somemore, cost $45. I dun mind the cost, I mind if dear mummy able to receive the card on/before mother day, felt if I give after mother day will like I dun even care when give mother day card. Dear said Friday post jiu sent thing to dear house le, but mummy didn’t hear door bell coz the sound very soft. Post people sent back to HQ, must wait till wed den can go sembawang post collect.coz if the thing lost,express post have to responable so it will be very troublesome. I am thinking, I plan, and just hope mummy will like and dear can happy abit also, but ended up a word TROUBLESOME came out from dear. Didn’t tell dear this.
I will only sms you once when I go sch. So you dun have to waste time deleting msg.
Today didn’t go out celebrate mother day becoz tml is eryi birthday so I think biao ge they all will combine mother day and birthday tml. During dinner they say I use powder in bathroom, make the floor, basin all over the place. Eryi say HERE NO MAID DO FOR YOU.
Argh… I am just really very sad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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